Tom Salinsky

10:26:26 PM: Twitter, Facebook and my blog will all be mashed-up in Oscarland from midnight GMT onward… Join me. #oscars

11:26:11 PM: Freshly-popped popcorn ready, red carpet coverage about to begin. Here we go. #Oscars

11:43:52 PM: “Oh my god, Claudia, it’s The Oscars!” (It’s the sheer professionalism of the Sky One presenters I respect) #oscars

11:59:11 PM: I gather Nick Park’s homemade bowtie is up for Best Adapted Neckwear. #oscars

12:26:49 AM: This Sky One bimbette needs to stop saying “obviously” in every sentence. She really needs to stop. #oscars

12:38:39 AM: Is George Clooney drunk already? Or tired? Or just tired of talking to Sky One bimbettes? #Oscars

1:22:48 AM: You’re not a presenter. You’re a stalker with a microphone. #Oscars

1:34:12 AM: What!? #Oscars

1:34:43 AM: Here’s our big opening. First all the acting nominees stand around awkwardly for 120 seconds…

1:35:17 AM: Then Doogie Houser sings inaudibly while 70s TV dancers spiral around him. It’ll be a smash! #Oscars

1:39:26 AM: Either there’s something up with Alec Baldwin’s mic or he can clap *really* loud. #Oscars

1:45:35 AM: Creditable gags rather than a barnstorming performance from Baldwin and Martin. What was up with George Clooney? #Oscars

1:45:58 AM: Surely Christoph Waltz? #Oscars

1:49:06 AM: Exactly so! #Oscars

1:50:54 AM: Eloquent, concise and generous speech from Waltz. #Oscars

1:51:41 AM: First of ten – fuck me, ten! – Best Picture nominees. The Blind Side, which I haven’t seen yet. Is it any good? #Oscars

1:59:17 AM: Wonderful Best Animated Feature nominees. Funniest – Up. Second funniest – The Princess and the Frog. Good predictor? #Oscars

1:59:43 AM: Up wins. Beautiful movie and well deserved. #Oscars

2:01:24 AM: “Our next two presenters are two young actresses who have no idea who we are!” #Oscars

2:03:13 AM: No production numbers for the Best Song nominees?? Shame. That always used to break up the show a bit. #Oscars.

2:07:42 AM: Crazy Heart wins and the girls here are swooning over Colin Farrell. #Oscars

2:13:24 AM: What does a writer look for in an actor? Memorizing. #Oscars.

2:15:10 AM: Hurt Locker’s only chance for a win without Avatar breathing down its neck. #Oscars

2:16:55 AM: Hurt Locker does it. This could be its only gong all night if Kathryn Bigelow doesn’t make it. Well deserved though. #Oscars.

2:18:26 AM: What the rubbery fuck has happened to Molly Ringwold? #Oscars

2:18:56 AM: “Hey Ferris, is it your day off?” Apparently Matthew Broderick never gets tired of that one. #Oscars

2:23:42 AM: The Brat Pack reassembled – now the Middle Aged Spread Pack. #Oscars

2:25:15 AM: If you think Up has a chance in hell of winning Best Picture, put your hands up in the air (which only has a slightly better chance) #Oscars

2:29:41 AM: Short films. Ah, who cares. #Oscars

2:32:50 AM: Nick Park fumbles it! Disaster! #Oscars

2:34:42 AM: At least we’re sprinting through the shorts in one compact package. Good-o. #Oscars

2:39:00 AM: Ben Stiller dressed up as a Na’vi FTW! #Oscars

2:42:54 AM: Best Trek wins Star Make Up. Getting tired now. #Oscars.

2:51:07 AM: Precious nicks its first statuette of the night. #Oscars

2:55:31 AM: Roger Corman and Lauren Bacall pick up their honorary awards. I’d love to see a film directed by him and starring her. #Oscars

2:56:56 AM: Everyone says its Mo’Nique for Best Supporting Actress. Even Penelope Cruz. #Oscars

3:00:08 AM: For once, everyone is right! #Oscars

3:07:09 AM: If Avatar doesn’t bag this, then we could be looking at a major upset. #Oscars

3:10:29 AM: Sarah Jessica Parker – a whore and a lightweight apparently! #Oscars

3:11:38 AM: Avatar not up for this one, so I don’t care. (I have a fiver on Avatar winning all nine Oscars it’s up for.) #Oscars

3:12:18 AM: “I already have two of these…” Just one step down from “Thank you for awarding me my first Oscar.” #Oscars

3:18:31 AM: Prefilmed Baldwin/Martin sketch. After the Morcambe and Wise-esque dance routine at the beginning, now they’re sharing a bed. #Oscars

3:21:53 AM: The Academy’s tribute to… movies in which scantily-clad women scream a lot. #Oscars

3:26:10 AM: That kills my 9/9 Avatar bet. Bollocks. Could be The Hurt Locker’s night though, which would be nice. #Oscar.

3:28:21 AM: And that kills my insurance bet on 8/9 for Avatar. Happy for the Hurt Locker, and I suppose for Paddy Power. #Oscars

3:35:45 AM: “Please welcome my dear friend – and by that I mean I’ve never met her – Sandra Bullock!” #Oscars

3:37:12 AM: Avatar finally gets its act together, but too late for it to even be exciting for me. #Oscars

3:38:56 AM: First the tribute to horror, now the role-call of the dead. Morbid much? #Oscars

3:39:24 AM: Sorry, that should have been “maudlin” – James Taylor is on stage. #Oscars

3:47:24 AM: Here’s our missing production number. Achievement in Irrelevant Dancing. #Oscars

3:48:44 AM: Is this the Los Angeles chapter of Diversity? #Oscars #Britainsgottalent

3:53:47 AM: Really, really tired now. Need some balloons to help me stay upright…. #Oscars

4:03:56 AM: Er, Food Inc probably? Don’t really care. Tired now. #oscars

4:11:00 AM: Hoo-ray for Hollywood! Boo for time differences! #Oscars

4:26:41 AM: The dude abides… #oscars

4:33:45 AM: Jeff Bridges, unless i’m having very predictable dreams. #oscars

4:46:13 AM: Somebody get Oprah a trowel so she can lay it on even thicker. #Oscars

4:47:58 AM: Why can we never hear Voice Over Announcer Woman properly? #Oscars

4:49:30 AM: Has Sandra Bullock come dressed as Anne Hathaway? #Oscars

4:56:40 AM: Bigelow’s done it! Yay! (zzz) #Oscars

4:59:27 AM: James Cameron = King of Nothing! #Oscars

5:01:20 AM: That’s it, folks. Analysis in the next few days. Night all.