Tom Salinsky

ENT S04E12 Babel One (). The Andorians in general and Shran in particular are the hidden MVPs of this show. Between the off-brand Vulcans, the conveniently quarrelsome Xindi and the played-out Klingons, the “blue-skins”‘s blend of warlike aggression and compassionate nobility is absolutely fascinating. Less so is the “species which communicates via arguing” which ret-conning feels a little like writerly desperation at the crunch point of a long season. And in true TOS/TNG style, Enterprise is being used as a taxi service for this week’s crop of touchy ambassadors instead of continuing with its mission of exploration.

Doing sequels to TOS episodes is weird choice for a show set before any other Star Trek series, but less weird than bringing in TNG staples like Ferengi and Borg, and as Zagbars vs Zoobles stories go, this isn’t bad and it does help that we’ve seen both aliens before (although in the case of the Tellarites not for decades). But the concept of “the aliens who insult you to show respect” really doesn’t work when you’re trying to tell a story in which diplomatic relations break down, because the Tellarites sound exactly the same when Archer’s welcoming them on board as they do when they accuse Shran of trying to get them all killed. Somebody didn’t think this through. We’re also back in Voyager-land, where Enterprise is under attack and nearly destroyed – and then in the next scene, everything is running smoothly again, and they’re charging along at top speed. And we’re back in multi-part story land, tying up loose ends from TOS’s Balance of Terror. It’s a strong ending too, earning a last minute extra half-star.

After last week’s episode in which Hoshi got plenty of lines when she wasn’t in control of her own body, here we she gets a big scene shouting at Archer in which she was only pretending. I mean, I guess it’s progress but… “Vulcans are expert liars!” claims Shran, not without reason, but it’s not exactly what they’re known for in every other series. I don’t think injecting pure oxygen into those air tanks is going to go well for Malcolm and Trip. I can only assume that science consultant and co-writer of this episode Andre Bormanis turned two pages at once.

Last episode to air before Paramount announced that there would be no Season 5. The party’s over and all that’s left is the clearing up.

ENT S04E13 United (). So this is why Kirk’s crew had never seen a Romulan before, despite the Federation having fought a war with them – remote controlled ships. Neat. And it’s a great escalation for Trip and Malcolm whose last hope was getting to the bridge where presumably life support would be in full effect. Tracking down the hologram-disguised Romulan ships requires a huge fleet to create a sensor web, and thus Archer must assemble a coalition of squabbling species with Enterprise issuing the commands. It’s the kind of thing you’d expect a prequel series to have been doing from the beginning but it’s no less welcome for its late arrival.

This is quite a busy episode, but all the strands work well. Trip and Malcolm’s trial of traps inside the Romulan drone is tense and unpredictable; Archer’s grouchy diplomacy strikes a good balance between Bakula’s two chief modes of impatient headmaster and jovial baseball coach; Shran’s subplot with poor doomed Talas is genuinely affecting; and the big political plot has tremendous scope and impact. We could have used something for T’Pol to do, but that seems like quibbling when the overall quality is so high.

Archer’s dual with Shran isn’t set up with quite the seamless logic of Kirk’s famous battle with Spock but it’s a great way of making the bigger story personal and keeping the focus on our leading players, and not on the Zagbars and Zoobles. This doesn’t have the deep character work of the very best of Star Trek, but it’s otherwise pretty faultless, with a confidence which is extremely gratifying.

ENT S04E14 The Aenar (). Wrapping up many of the big plotlines last time gave a satisfying end to the previous episode but means we don’t carry much momentum into this one. The visit to the Andorian homeworld is worthwhile however, being a genuinely alien environment as well as just a change of scene. But it’s Shran who comes a cropper on the ice and not newcomer Archer. The slower pace creates a bit of room for some nice Trip/T’Pol scenes which is welcome, but it’s hard not to feel that this is just a bit dull, compared to part two which combined Thrilling Escapes From Death with an opportunity for Archer to build the Star Trek legend.

Slicing an antenna in half is enough to render Shran incapable of defending himself, thus ending the dual last week, but he happily goes on the mission with Archer, seemingly unaffected. Maybe that’s why he slips on the ice. He shrugs off being impaled through the thigh as well.

ENT S04E15 Affliction (). Columbia is setting sail and Trip is going with her to avoid having to see officially unmarried T’Pol every day (although he denies that’s the reason). I’m not sure this is the for the good of the show. T’Pol seems to have concluded her arc prematurely and while the stories in this season are far more engaging than before, T’Pol – who was such a highlight of episodes past – for the most part has just become Tuvok. She delivers exposition in a slightly sarcastic tone and lets other people have the big emotional journeys. If she and Trip had to deal with their complicated feelings for each other, I’d be more interested in both of them. Luckily he’s still popping up in her white cyclorama meditation dreamscapes. The new chief engineer is never introduced to us, or Archer. Do you know, I’m not altogether convinced that Trip’s never coming back.

Speaking of things I am and am not interested in, we’ve just had a three-part story in which the Romulans turned out to be pulling the strings – Romulans with a rather different make-up job than those who appeared in TOS. But nobody thought to mention this fact, because it’s clearly irrelevant. And yet, here we are with bumpy-foreheaded Klingons so concerned with some of them not having bumpy foreheads that they’ve kidnapped Dr Phlox and made him try and figure out what’s going on. That’s pretty much the definition of letting the foam latex tail wag the targ. I’m also pretty uninterested in whatever Malcolm is creeping around doing. Maybe I’d have looked upon this subplot with more generosity if I wasn’t so distracted throwing things at the TV screen as poor John Schuck has to dole out this pointless nonsense.

Far from embracing a glorious death, the Klingon in the opening scene protests “My death sentence was commuted!” It’s nearly as bizarre as those madly illogical Vulcans. Seth McFarlane is back for another brief appearance. In Phlox’s absence, another medical officer takes over. Archer doesn’t talk to her, because he doesn’t know her name.

ENT S04E16 Divergence (). Director David Barrett brings us out of the titles with a bonkers CGI whip-zoom through both Enterprise and Columbia to really hammer home just how thrilling this all is. It would love to be a huge exciting chase like the movie Speed, which is clearly where they got the idea of “if we go below Warp 5 we all die”. But it just feels like people in silly costumes standing around studios hanging on to ropes. None of it has any reality or verisimilitude, and it all just feels like busywork because the story of How the Klingons Lost Their Ridges turns out not be worth a movie’s worth of broadcast TV after all. It also seems like there should be someone on Enterprise who can do Trip’s job when he isn’t there. Didn’t they learn that lesson in Similitude?

Phlox’s method for determining the likely effect of various compounds appears to be akin to playing hypospray Russian Roulette. Apart from Malcolm, who is given a new personality in order to make this week’s plot work, characterisation has become something which only happens on other shows. This is all theatrical actors glowering meaningless exposition at each other while melodramatic music thunders away in the background. It’s what Star Trek looks like to people who don’t watch Star Trek. Only John Billingsley emerges with any dignity at all. Actually, Ada Maris isn’t bad as Captain Hernandez. Where’s her spin-off?

ENT S04E17 Bound (). We have a nascent Federation, so now let’s start building some Starbases. And who could wait to see the Orions again after the Augments trilogy? After all, this show’s always had great luck with slave girl stories. It will take Lower Decks to really make a good stab of the Orion Syndicate, because here we’re right back to trafficking scantily-clad young women like a science fiction version of The Benny Hill Show, complete with senior Starfleet officers watching the floor show with their eyes bugging out of their heads like the Tex Avery cartoon wolf. Travis too behaves as if he’s never seen a woman before when they come on board. Meanwhile, Trip is in a plot superposition of states, both with his love life and his professional life, neither in a relationship with T’Pol nor not, neither chief engineer on Enterprise, nor not. This had better be going somewhere, because at the moment it’s orbiting a story but not actually landing on it. The rest of this is just a The Naked Time yet again, but in bikinis. Yawn.