Tom Salinsky

TNG S01E11 Haven (). Troi’s mother sends the Enterprise a message via a Time Lord who accepted Borusa’s gift of immortality. I think this is the first episode to centre on a character who isn’t Picard or Riker. Majel Barrett, who has been heard throughout the show as the ship’s computer, is here in person as Lwaxana Troi, but this episode sadly continues the new show’s seaside postcard obsession with nudity, from the scantily-clad inhabitants of Rubicun III to the Ferengi’s dismay at seeing clothed females (have they traded with no other sexually dimorphic species?) to now naked Betazoid wedding customs. There’s a glimpse into a fascinating alien culture here, but it can barely peek through the tired girl-of-my-dreams plot which never rises above the level of daytime soap opera.

TNG S01E12 The Big Goodbye (). The presence of the Holodeck makes this kind of story much easier. TOS required all sorts of implausible justifications in order to stick the crew into the middle of a Damon Runyon tale. The single word “Holodeck” is all that’s necessary to put Picard into a sub-Raymond Chandler story. As with much of the science in this show, it’s basically magic. The holographic lipstick remains on Picard’s face when he leaves, which is hard to rationalise. What’s also hard to understand is how Picard is so bowled over by technology we saw in the pilot – and in The Animated Series, set decades earlier. The bigger problem though is that none of this is particularly interesting, and nor is Picard’s diplomatic tongue-twister challenge. Elevating things slightly is Brent Spiner, who finally gets to put Data through his paces. But there will be much better Data vs the Holodeck stories in the future. And disappointingly, Picard opts to bring along a red-shirted historian who naturally is the first to bite the dust when things go south. Wesley saves the ship count = 4.

TNG S01E13 Datalore (). Data practising sneezing is very silly but once Lore is revealed, this becomes an excellent showcase for Brent Spiner’s talents as well as those of the effects team (maybe except the fake Brent Spiner head). And if the doppelgänger story mainly goes through familiar beats, well those are fun beats which have become familiar for a reason. That Data’s origins were so mysterious before this episode is cool – and early episodes have barely hinted at this backstory so whether or not it was in the show bible I don’t know. It does raise some awkward questions about how this machine of unknown provenance was allowed to progress through Star Fleet academy and given a senior position on board the Federation flagship. What lets this one down is that nobody believes “the boy” Wesley, a dull trope this series is usually excellent at avoiding. Chief Engineer Argyle makes a return appearance. Roddenberry gets his final on-screen writing credit. Wesley saves this ship count = 5.

TNG S01E14 Angel One () is set on a planet which is oddly similar to mid-twentieth century Earth, because of course it is. Computing a journey time which takes around half a year down to the last second is a dumb person’s idea of what a smart person would say. Speaking of which, here we have the planet of the mega-bitches which is a misogynist’s version of what a feminist might write. This might not be quite as bad as Code of Honor, and the cast are more comfortable here than there, but it’s pretty dreadful, with yet another virus serving as the all-purpose extra-bit-of-plot-generator. This one has a particularly novel mode of transmission which almost completely foxes Dr Crusher – it’s airborne. Geordi saying “make it so” when he has the con makes me want to slap him. We’ve gone from the stiff, all-business crew of the early episodes to having them behave like giggling teenagers. Another stupidly precise countdown is in place by the end of the episode – 48 minutes to develop an “inoculant” against the disease. Any other show would have been cancelled by this point.

TNG S01E15 11001001 () The gag of slathering young women in makeup and then dubbing over deep voices is literally the oldest trick in the Star Trek book, going as it does all the way back to the pilot episode. Originally planned to run prior to The Big Goodbye, and explain the Holodeck malfunction, this episode was moved to later in the season and the actions of the Bynars retro-fitted to be a repair job instead. This doesn’t explain why Wesley crusher and friend were allowed onto the known-to-be-dangerously-malfunctioning Holodeck to chuck snowballs at each other in the last episode. Essentially, this story attempts to ring mystery and suspense out of the question of whether the weirdly secretive aliens monkeying around with the Enterprise have the ship and its crew’s best interests at heart or not. Spoiler – they don’t. With Data now established as the shows MVP, Geordi begins slipping into his role as Data’s Best Friend. This is explored here in the form of Data daubing paint onto some glass. Riker’s jazz obsession starts here too. And his holo-sex doll looks weirdly like Kate Mulgrew. I sound like I’m slagging this episode, which probably is just due to the fact that it’s late and I’m tired. It doesn’t do a whole lot wrong, but it just isn’t all that interesting. Wesley saves the ship count = 6.

TNG S01E16 Too Short a Season (). Clayton Rohner was barely 30 when he shot this tired retread of the age/rejuvenate to death plot, and he fools exactly no-one as the 85-year-old Admiral Jameson. The whole plot device of his and the Governor’s past bad blood similarly failed to engage me, feeling like a lot of talk about people I didn’t know doing things I didn’t understand. It seems to me as if no lessons were learned at all from Kirk’s actions in A Private Little War and, again the script is its own best critic, as when Governor Karnas exclaims “This story you are telling me is unbelievable,” all I can do is nod in agreement.

TNG S01E17 When the Bough Breaks (). There are kids on board the Enterprise – remember? The Enterprise follows a trail to Space Atlantis and discovers a race of vastly advanced beings who haven’t figured out sunglasses. Riker, Crusher and Troi are the chosen three. Jerry Hardin is the chief Aldean (who will have a more significant role in a later two-parter). Bizarrely, they believe that importing children will help them to solve their reproductive crisis – which as far as I can see it won’t. It will give them children to nurture (for a few years) and then what? Breed humans from the human children? Why not ask for young, sexually mature adults in that case? But won’t that result in humans supplanting the Aldeans? And what’s this “humans are unusually attached to their offspring” nonsense? Looking after children is an evolutionary necessity. Luckily for all concerned, the Aldeans give Wesley access to their central computer in case he needs to escape.

TNG S01E18 Home Soil () relates to terraforming, a lengthy process involving industrial lasers. Evidently the Genesis device was a technological dead end (surprising given how well it worked, for the most part). Troi, watching a very nervy and defensive General Gogol on the view screen: “He’s concealing something.” Yar beams down to the planet (yay!) and gets a single line, finishing someone else’s sentence to supply factual information to boost the status of another regular cast member. This may be the exact moment Denise Crosby decided to quit. The brief exterior shot of the terraforming station looks a bit Thunderbirds. When a laser drill goes berserk, Riker is sure to turn off the power first, and only then get emergency medical aid to the injured man. That the laser blasts stopped when the cries of distress stopped is a nifty clue that this was not a simple malfunction, and Data vs the laser drill is a cool showcase for his unique talents. There’s a swagger to Patrick Stewart’s performance here. He really is the MVP of this series, making poor episodes watchable and elevating good ones to near greatness. “Ugly bags of mostly water,” is a classic line, but Data’s Wikipedia entry is off – humans are nearer to 60% water than 90%.